You know, I'm just bursting out a sigh at this moment. A sigh of exhaustion, a sigh of relief, a sigh of filling the silence because I don't know how to express the moment I'm in. I'm a lot of things and have been really busy (occupied) to say the least. But it's a good busy I guess?
There has been so much going on, and I share at most to the people I meet on face level and then having them respond from sharing through blog entries, conversations or short messages be it encouragement, support or reflective moments together and some just have this nagging questioning - why?
Dad just turned 60 on the eve or Merdeka, and decided a celebration party in view of our friend in Permatang Pauh who won. He had it at his favorite restaurant, the magic wok (magicwok.com.my), he closed it for a night to call his own. And did he well, threw a good party - food and drinks are the valid least for him. Peers (to those who are alive), business associates who have now become better of friends, previous staff who have left and gone on to greater things; they all came together to celebrate with this man.
I have not hung out or spent time with dad in a long while because I have been having a tight schedule and plus I don't live at home anymore. So the night on his birthday, we socialized and we caught up - till 5am. We sat and talk and drank. I met his friends and I spent time with them. I took time to be a son, an eldest son, a young man who has a long career vision, a sibling, a relative and the other shadow roles I fulfill. I was an actor that night.
And we had a good run, together. That night showed me something I never saw in dad. He's 60 and is still married to my mum who turns 60 next month. They both look like in their late 40s. They have 3 kids who I can probably say have shaped up pretty well (to be fair, I was the real problem child); supported them through university and provided for each throughout the journey of life - be it physically, financially or emotionally. True that they may fall and go wrong at times but whatever it was - when we had to run back; dad will be there. He was always there.
Dad and mom are in good health and our two dogs recharges them. I am thankful to God for his amazing blessing.
It was the same in the print industry for him. he was there, he is there. He's been in the business long enough that those who came that night were the print moguls in this country and the exchange of thought and opinions to some degree blew me away. As much as we claim to be young intelligent blokes, but these guys had made it, and made it very well. And they were looking at passing the torch on; suddenly I felt a lil' warm and hot if you know what I mean.
Just when you thought things would explode in your face, dad takes the cake for you. After the song was sang, he was quickly shoved a cake onto his face and candidly take his hands an caresses the white loads all over his face and some friends came to hug him genuinely, although I felt some were suppliers who wanted to hug him too well to get on the new side of the fence :p
And I was urged to step up to do what they were all doing. Instead, I chose not to.
Not because I didn't support dad nor didn't want to express my love for him. Rather I was taking that whole moment in, absorbing that memory in which I can say - it was my own.
When I read tonight on a blog entry from a friend who quickly wrote after our yearly catch up, I'm encouraged and also realizing the friendship matures through the train of thoughts; and the poignant suggestion expressing your love to your family.
I recall and remind myself that night when I was watching dad - I was loving him. I was happy for him, and he was happy that in the midst of all the celebrated noises, his quick eye catches my gaze and I lift my glass up to acknowledge him; he knew he was home. I switch my gazing channel to my mum and sister who very much delighted in that moment. It was an expression of an unassuming assuring support that lies within a family bloodline.
Because when you remember, you simply smile.
As he turns 60, I manage to catch 60 frames of his life that matters most to me. That encapsulation nourishes me, encouraged me, and strip away the usual negativity but give room for a birthday celebration - it's as if you begin anew.
So perhaps, before we even question and ask why is it so difficult, we should really blow out the candles - the flames of guilt, frustration, anger and what nots. Because when we do that, we simply bow in humility and breathe a sense of freshness into that person's live as he begins his new year. In dad's case - 60. The frames don't come easily, we jump too fast ahead because we always think we know the ending. But God truly works for us, through us and with us in all that we do.
And I was pleasantly surprised.
Happy birthday dad.
Let me be first to blow out the candles ~ the 61st frame
i love this entry. bet your dad shares the same unspoken sentiments. "when a father gives to his son, both laugh; when a son gives to his father, both cry" ... on the 61th frame, perhaps?
perhaps...perhaps :)
I'm a little bewildered how you stumbled upon my blog but knowing we're neighbours? I walk around my lunch season and I wonder who jupiter is really. haha.
haha, perhaps i should've asked you to look out for the woman with a pink rose in her left pocket or something.
i'm working on the 13th floor and well, hopefully our paths will cross again soon so i can say hello and you can put a face to this neighbour of jupiter's. have a blessed day!